not necesary

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:00:45 GMT

life is interesting.

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 23:13:32 GMT

patquackssb (6:09:14 PM): I AM THE ANTIMATH
patquackssb (6:09:21 PM): THE POWER OF PHYSICS COMPELS YOU!
Meursault isHere (6:09:31 PM): what happens when you make a business transaction?
patquackssb (6:09:40 PM): PEOPLE DIE!
Meursault isHere (6:09:49 PM): OH GOD, NO!!!!!
patquackssb (6:09:59 PM): AND THEN SOME OF THEM UNDIE, JUST FOR GOOD MEASURE!
Meursault isHere (6:10:35 PM): oh, well, that's not so bad
patquackssb (6:10:48 PM): BUT MOST OF THEM STAY DEAD!
Meursault isHere (6:10:56 PM): OH, SWEET JESUS!!
patquackssb (6:11:13 PM): AND SOME OF THE UNDEAD DIE A SECOND TIME!
Meursault isHere (6:11:49 PM): OH GOD, THE SURVIVAL MARGIN IS SLIMMING!

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 06:20:48 GMT

nothing will stop the fact that no matter how hard I want to be there, sometimes (most of the time) I just CAN'T be there.

and that's the only thing that hurts about life.

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 16:26:14 GMT

hah. likely story.

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 05:26:47 GMT

it's weird to flip through a yearbook and realise how small the number of Freshmen I actually knew my senior year was.

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 19:32:08 GMT

Long-Johns, despite being absolutely devoid of sexual appeal, keep the cold out like a motherfucking thermos

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 04:42:01 GMT

this could be interesting.

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 05:18:41 GMT

also: one thing Dante had going for him: he never had to see Beatrice with another guy.

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 05:18:01 GMT

breathe in Dante's bitterness.
breathe out glacial winds.

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 03:03:54 GMT

the breakfast club kinda sucks, but Molly Ringwald is a cutie-pie

for future reference.

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 07:34:25 GMT

the stages of courtly love.

* Attraction to the lady, usually via eyes/glance
* Worship of the lady from afar
* Declaration of passionate devotion
* Virtuous rejection by the lady
* Renewed wooing with oaths of virtue and eternal fealty
* Moans of approaching death from unsatisfied desire (and other physical manifestations of lovesickness)
* Heroic deeds of valor which win the lady's heart
* Consummation of the secret love
* Endless adventures and subterfuges avoiding detection

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 16:35:05 GMT

there is a wind.
a wind I stand up in.
although I am anchored;
the wind tries to throw me about.
it exhausts me.

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 18:56:58 GMT

so my brother and his fiance are trying to hook me up with the fiance's younger sister.
I'll be walking with her during the wedding ceremony, alright, it'd be good to meet her, but I'm not all crazy about being set up with someone when the most I get told about her is "she's just like you" which, coming from someone who doesn't know me that well, isn't very reassuring.

so they even go to the extent of bringing her to my work yesterday (alright, fine, it's not like I can run away, right?).

she's cute, actually, and kinda short, but she's a little bit too much likely in one respect.

silence.

granted, being quiet is something I've been trying to work on, and there's not much you can say in a situation where you're thrust upon another person with no knowledge of who they are (they only told her that I like Converses.)

if I might digress a little, however, being confronted by such absolute silence sort of put the shoe on the other foot. I know kinda what it was like for my ex girlfriends, and now I feel sorta bad about my habitual silence.

anyways, it's a bit of a moot point, because she lives 2 hours and 45 minutes away, and I don't have the cash to even consider a relationship with a girl that far away.

god damn, i'm a big ol' softie.

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 06:59:07 GMT

your blue eyes make me queasy,
in quite the greatest way,
the kind that's warm and fuzzy,
the kind that makes me say;

the way I feel my feelings,
the things they make me do,
but not embarrassing things,
my heart desires of you.

the things I've got no right to,
and things you don't return,
but I'll be sure to tell you--
these things I'm gonna earn.

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 02:09:55 GMT

I WILL COVER MY HAND IN EXPLOSIVES AND PUNCH YOU AS HARD AS I CAN!

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 02:36:04 GMT

I think when I grow up I want to make a clubhouse in a storage block type thing.

not accurate, but an interesting sentiment

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 16:19:48 GMT

Inside my chest is an evergreen, growing taller and wider by the day, and at the bottom, our initials are carved into its trunk--or rather, more accurately, and wide eyed little boy waits to carve them there.

((In reality, evergreens are horrible for that sort of romantic business, as their sap seeps out and makes a sticky mess over the incisions much more than most other trees, but an evergreen is essential to the whole business of 'pining' for someone. Just thought I'd say that as a side comment.))

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 05:45:46 GMT

I'm determined to start writing, and to start drawing again.

I went to a writing symposium today that outlined a 21 day process to developing good characters 9and thus, a good story), which was very sensible, and I intend to follow when I return from GenCon.

of course, this is on top of working out and eating better.
I'll admit a degree of optimism in regards to this journey of self-improvement.

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 14:03:34 GMT

I am determined to deserve it all and more someday.

they say bad things come in threes, right?

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 18:01:23 GMT

so first, a girl I fooled around with on a road-trip, in an attempt to patch things up with her ex (who was not her ex at the time), told him about me.

understandably, he doesn't want her to talk to me again, so she tells me and I'm understanding.
still, distant online acquaintances or not, being entirely removed from someone's life is a rough prospect to face.

anyways, next.

so the main girl I'm ga-ga for is now seeing some guy, apparently.
I don't know anything about the guy, but it's still a slight blow.

not as heavy a blow as i'd once thought it would be, but I've got this realistic understanding that while I can like someone very much, there's not much for me to be liked for in THAT way.

in the end, though, that's sort of the reason why I'm trying to improve myself.
I will be a more likeable guy, I will take a hold of my life, and I will inherit and deserve whatever future it is that everyone thinks I'll have for myself.

I must digress, however.
they say bad things happen in threes, and if it follows the theme, then something major will happen to a girl I only sorta like, or something pretty minor will happen with a girl I fall in love with.

it's gotta follow that cross-lined map of how much i like the girl compared to how bad the occurrence is, see?

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 16:07:31 GMT

walkies, walkies, space walkies.

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 05:30:33 GMT

to everyone who ever thought that good things are going to come my way; that I'm destined for great things:

you will be right.

I will make sure of it.

haven't had a life song in ages

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 11:04:12 GMT

"I get by" by Honest Bob and the Factory-to-Dealer Incentives

If I had you I'd hold you like a guitar
I could slay you with a well placed F-sharp barre
If you don't wanna hear that tune I'll leave my fingers where they are
And every time I see your face I wanna touch it
And I know I'll never touch it
I get by, I get by

And I can't tell how hard I try
I can't reveal what I can't hide
I said that I was fine I lied
But I can stick around and I can see your smile from the side

I say William Shakespeare had the right idea
Put your passion in a poem she won't hear
If your heart is whole again, you can publish it next year
And every time I see your neck I wanna kiss it
And I know I'll never kiss it
I get by, I get by

And I've been in my head too long
To know when what I think is wrong
But I can write another song
And I can stick around and see you as you sing along

I had another set of words
To use instead of what I'm singin' here
The rhymes were intricate and every rhyme was filled up with alliteration and the best poetic tricks
It demonstrated just how clearly I'm the perfect guy for you to hear
But in reality perfection isn't really what we want
So we just throw it on the page and we call it a masterpiece if any part of it sticks

I've been waiting on another bright idea (I get by!)
I've been waiting on another bright idea (I get by!)
I've been waiting on another bright idea (I get by!)
I've been waiting on another bright idea (I get by!)
I've been waiting on another bright idea (I get by!)
I've been waiting on another bright idea (I get by!)

I've been workin' on a song that you won't hear
I've been workin' on a song that you won't hear
I've been workin' on a song for you dear!

Everybody tells me that I'm fine!
And everybody tells me not to mind!
And everybody says just tell a lie!
And everybody tells me that the world was made for me to play in but I don't believe them!

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 08:07:10 GMT

we all have our ways of coping.

I just happen to depict internal suffering that I cannot literally externalize in hasty, angst-ridden doodles of ridiculous natures.

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 05:23:22 GMT

and suddenly, I feel discouraged.